Feelin' It

Today we had sunshine. Oh yes, that's been a rare occurence lately!

I spent the morning preparing for a 'ladies tea' in my friend Ellie's back yard. I was asked to bake a cake. I love baking and cooking, but for some reason everything was just wrong this morning. An egg fell off the counter and broke on the floor. Kate cried. While I was beating the cream cheese filling, one of the beaters flew out of the hand mixer and sprayed batter everywhere. Kate cried some more. I put the beater back in it's place correctly, and the mixer turned on and sprayed even more batter onto me and my daughter and over my once-clean kitchen. Gah! I cried. Then, halfway through prepping, I realized that the recipe called for one cup grated carrots...and yup, I didn't have any. Neither did any of my neighbors. So I'm rapidly swinging along to panic mode and a major episode of frustration...when I remembered that I am allowed to start my day over whenever I want to. Ha! What a novel idea, let's see if this works. So...a little sit down, a little prayer, a little laugh at myself...some deep breathing...and we ended up with a great day on our hands! Yay!

The tea was lovely. The ladies were even lovelier. I got to hear an inspiring life story from a woman who has a passion to help kids forced into the sex trade in Thailand and Cambodia, God bless her. She is doing all she can to bring awareness to this sad, sad reality of life.

I came home and caught my daughter on video-tape trying to drink water out of a dish like a dog (it's on You Tube). Patricks' brothers' dog came to visit this morning, and I guess he thought it was too hot outside to go home. He's still here. Kate wanted to 'be' like him, I suppose. I mean, who wouldn't?! Especially with a name like Happy.

So I did alot of laughing today. I also thought alot about starting to feel again after years of trying not to...and you know, it's a scary process. I cry more. I also laugh more. When I have a bad moment, I still sometimes wish I could escape the sharpness of it. I know there was a time in my life when I needed to escape reality just to stay alive - and sometimes it can be hard to leave those survival skills behind when they're not needed anymore. They were friends at one point. But now - now I want to feel the joy, because I'm quickly developing a taste for it! And in order to have the joy, I must also face the bad moments. The difference now is that I know the sadness is temporary, and it's in my power to do something about it.

Three more good things. Thing one: Canucks won game two of the Stanley Cup finals (nearly the best part of this is watching my chilled out husband jump around like a child - and yes, I think I might have even seen a pelvis-thrust in there somewhere)! Thing two: My friend Karla and I went to the meeting together tonight. I love Karla; she is a gentle sincere soul and I know God put us in each others lives for a reason. Thing three: When I mentioned to Patrick that I might go out for coffee with some friends after my meeting tonight, he said "go have fun, baby, take your time." Of course, I don't need his permission, but when I get a gentle response like that I am so overwhelmed with amazement at the wonderful, unselfish person sharing his life with me. I'm glad I saved some cake for him:)