Two Years Ago Yesterday...

...I walked down the aisle. I was 4 months pregnant with Kate, scared, and exhausted. It was a beautiful day filled with love and fun, but there's no doubt - our second anniversary was a day to remember!

I woke up to the feel of my daughter doing sit-downs on my stomach, complete with giant 'oofs' upon landing. Oh, and snot, everywhere. There's nothing better than starting the day off by laughing hysterically before getting up! We went to church, and our daughter rewarded us by sitting STILL, and QUIET, for most of the service. We even got compliments on our well-behaved child, which I accepted with an inward achnowledgement that it was probably just because she's not feeling well. Or perhaps she's starting to figure out that my lap is a comfy place to be. Seriously, though, I am thankful to have a well-adjusted daughter, who's usually pretty cheerful and appears to be learning how to listen!

We left Kate with my parents and went into Vancouver for some much-needed alone time. Of course, alone-time leads to food (yes, it does), and boy did we ever have some good eats at Pied de Terre! Cote de boeuf for two, frites to die for, roquefort/mustard sauce, anchovy/butter sauce (if you know me, you know that I always double on the sauces; one could never be enough), foie gras parfait with rhubarb coulis and toasted brioche, and a delicious apple tarte with homemade ice cream for dessert!

The best part of the evening was sitting across the table from Patrick, talking some about the past and alot about the future, and smiling till my face hurts. Really, I'm so happy it's almost embarrassing! Thank God, thank God, that in spite of the mess my life was, I ended up with a keeper. And truly, I kinda think Patrick may have ended up with a keeper as well!

Equal Rights

Every morning I read an excerpt from a book of daily reflections. It's part of my self-maintenance plan; I need to be reminded of why I'm here and make sure I'm on the right side of happy (and if it starts off bad, at least I am giving myself the chance to start my day over again)! This was my favorite part of today's reading - "Depending on my attitude, I can view the people in my life (paraphrased) as menaces or teachers." I think this is a great spin to put on the situations that cause me grief now and then. Sometimes I'm (aren't we all) faced with situations where I feel some 'judgement', or even just some tension that could get my mind spinning into "oh-no-what-did-I-do-wrong" land. Sometimes it's me being sensitive, and sometimes there are people who are just plain rude. I'm learning every day to take responsibility for my actions and when I encounter something like this, I try to remember not to blame, and to let people own their stuff and me deal with mine. I'm not, however, always successful at this. So the idea of looking at everyone around me as 'teachers', people who can show me how I want to be, or how I don't want to be, is very appealing to me. It puts a positive twist on every situation I encounter, and adds a curiousity and a possibility of learning something new from everything.

Gratitude for the day: My new house came with a piano. I grew up with no musical instruments, but with a love of singing and an ear for music. I found that I seem to have at least a l

ittle bit of natural instinct to play the piano. I've been after my husband Patrick to move it upstairs and into the dining room for the last two months. Our nanny moved into the basement this weekend so it had to be moved, and for the last three days it's like the 800lb beast has been sitting on Patricks' shoulders. You know - I have the great idea and he has to execute it. It's a fam

iliar story, right ladies? So today, after many, many reasons why this is a very difficult thing to do, six guys came

over and carried the piano (which is old and extremely

cumbersome) in short bursts out the back door, around the house, and into the front door. Of course, I laughed at them and took pictures of the whole excruciating journey, and said many encouraging things along the way....and tonight I have a beautiful piano, everyone, and it's in my dining room, and I'm SO EXCITED about it! Thanks guys, and thank you Patrick - you rock! And it wasn't such a big deal after all, was it...? (ducks and runs)....!

Gratitude

This is a picture of Kate at 3 weeks old. I've been thinking of childhood today, and this picture speaks of the innocence and complete lack of worry we all experienced once, even if, for some of us, much too short a time.


I had the privilege tonight of sitting down with a group of people and having a discussion about gratitude; how it shows itself in our lives, how we develop it, and what it does for us. I thought back over my day, and a list of things I'm grateful for started forming in my head. I could fill this page twenty times over with things that make me smile. Many are small - the way my daughter tells me a story in her own 19-months-old language, in words I can't understand but with drama that gets me giggling helplessly. The fact that I can mix up a batch of blueberry lime muffins and eat them steaming hot with gobs of butter, while Kate dips hers in guacamole and makes 'mmm' noises as she eats. The fact that I wake up with a clear, healthy mind these days after sleeping soundly all night. But some are bigger. Of course, there's the obvious - house, car, food, family, etc. Tonight, however, I am thinking about the joy of rediscovering childhood. About not feeling like it's lost forever any longer. In maturing, I am able to allow myself to go way back there and not only remember the painful times...I can remember what it feels like to go outside barefoot for the first time in spring. I can remember the thrill of having a secret hiding place. I can feel, again, that fuzzy warm stuff I felt inside coming home from school and smelling fresh cinnamon buns. I can recreate that in my own home today if I choose. I can answer my daughter when she calls 'mama', just like my mom did with me. I can play, I can sing silly songs, I can paint my toes three different colors. I still 'pretend' that I'm grown up, when I drink tea out of a fancy tea cup, or put on my outrageously high heels to go grocery shopping. What a gift, discovering how to let go of the past and, in turn, regaining the joy of it! I hope I never grow up.

All Things Beautiful

My name is Sharon. I was called Sheo since childhood by the people closest to me. This winter, after years of battling depression, addiction and not wanting to live I chose to go through a treatment program and learn how to live again. Along with a new start, I chose a new name - Shaza. Welcome to my journey - I know now that it is beautiful, if I choose it to be, and I choose! I am moving beyond fear. It's ironic that in surrender I have found freedom. I don't know what the contents of this blog will be, but I might tell you about a small joy, a new feeling, a bad day, or an accomplishment from my kitchen (there are quite a few of those)! I might tell you that I haven't a clue about being a mom, or I might tell you about the lovely woman I saw dancing for the first time yesterday. Her brown eyes went from being filled with tears in one moment to smiling and sparkling in the next. Beautiful. These are some of the contents of my life, and because I love them I want to share them with you. My best friend cried yesterday when I told her that I'd put my suitcase away for the first time in 8 years - she knew what I was talking about - I didn't have to explain further. She is amazing. My husband cried last night when I celebrated four months of sobriety and thanked him in front of 200 people for staying beside me. I cried too. Tonight I am grateful.