Gratitude

This is a picture of Kate at 3 weeks old. I've been thinking of childhood today, and this picture speaks of the innocence and complete lack of worry we all experienced once, even if, for some of us, much too short a time.


I had the privilege tonight of sitting down with a group of people and having a discussion about gratitude; how it shows itself in our lives, how we develop it, and what it does for us. I thought back over my day, and a list of things I'm grateful for started forming in my head. I could fill this page twenty times over with things that make me smile. Many are small - the way my daughter tells me a story in her own 19-months-old language, in words I can't understand but with drama that gets me giggling helplessly. The fact that I can mix up a batch of blueberry lime muffins and eat them steaming hot with gobs of butter, while Kate dips hers in guacamole and makes 'mmm' noises as she eats. The fact that I wake up with a clear, healthy mind these days after sleeping soundly all night. But some are bigger. Of course, there's the obvious - house, car, food, family, etc. Tonight, however, I am thinking about the joy of rediscovering childhood. About not feeling like it's lost forever any longer. In maturing, I am able to allow myself to go way back there and not only remember the painful times...I can remember what it feels like to go outside barefoot for the first time in spring. I can remember the thrill of having a secret hiding place. I can feel, again, that fuzzy warm stuff I felt inside coming home from school and smelling fresh cinnamon buns. I can recreate that in my own home today if I choose. I can answer my daughter when she calls 'mama', just like my mom did with me. I can play, I can sing silly songs, I can paint my toes three different colors. I still 'pretend' that I'm grown up, when I drink tea out of a fancy tea cup, or put on my outrageously high heels to go grocery shopping. What a gift, discovering how to let go of the past and, in turn, regaining the joy of it! I hope I never grow up.