Good Men

I've been thinking about my Dad alot today. I didn't get to see him, but this morning Kate and I called and sang a song to him, and wished him the best Father's Day ever. I hope he is happy today, and knows how much I love him.

When I was very young I didn't sleep well at all (still don't, for that matter). Dad would sit on the edge of my bed and gently bounce it and sing to me for what seemed like hours. When we took that bed apart years later, there was a hollow in the spot where he always sat. As my view of God has evolved and become much more personal in the last few months, I think back to the times in my life when Dad was just there, and how the fear of the night and the dark would miraculously leave when he showed up. Dad doesn't always understand me, and sometimes we hurt each other, and sometimes I don't understand him; but those times of connecting in my early years have created a bond that I will never have with anyone else. Remember, Dad, how you tried to teach me the longest words you knew when I was so young? Remember the very first dish I ever made on my own - Rice Krispy Squares, I was seven, I made them for you (and to this day I'm not even sure if you actually like Rice Krispy Squares)? Remember how you used to run around with us outside after dark and play scary games? You were so young. Remember how you and I had so much fun grocery shopping when Mom was busy at home with the babies? You pushed the cart, and I remembered where everything was. There were alot of years there, Dad, when I didn't let you close to me. I was hurting and you didn't know how to reach me. Today is Father's Day, and today I want you to know that I hold you close to my heart, and that you are the only and best Father I could ever wish for. As my mind and soul heal, I am remembering more and more beautiful times spent with you, and can't wait to make more. Thank you for still being here, as I wake up years later! I love you.

Happy Father's Day, also, to my Patrick - it's fascinating watching the man I love developing layers and depth, becoming a daddy in addition to, not instead of, husband and lover. It's exciting to see your ability to expand as a person, baby, and I love seeing you be so gentle with our daughter.

Dad Dan, I want to thank you also for your amazing support and positive input in my life. I know I can talk freely to you, without fear of judgement, and I always feel loved in return.

I felt emotional while writing this. There's so much more on my mind tonight, but it's going to have to wait. Good night!

(Oh, and by the way, I have 10 extra chocolate cream tarts in my fridge if anyone wants to come help me finish them off!)